I had a double session at therapy today, and while I don’t really want to talk about everything that went on in the session, I can say that the 2-hour period of time was intense and fruitful!

I’m starting to get a sense of what parts compose me and the personalities therein. It’s still very difficult and I completely dissociated at least once during the session, but there is a character that I’ve met before, but only via a metaphorical visualization.

The metaphor was that of a wintry earth, lifeless on the surface, but containing underground denizens… and a core that was powerful and alive but not warming the planet.

Today I got to see this core, this powerful, central force. His feet are encased in cement, his wrists are bound with chains, and he has a large hook through his stomach.

How powerful must this character be to be so brutally bound?!

When the therapist would ask this part whether we could loose the chains, it would reply, “Take your time.” It did this several times until we both understood that it wanted me to make the decision… and I can only make that decision if people in the mecosystem are on board.

There’s definitely a part of me that wants to let this power, this central force and source of life and vitality, free! And I don’t get the sense from this power that he would destroy my life or run rampant, though that is certainly a fear that some of my parts have for sure.

This character/power is truly like magma or mantle in so many ways… he is a tremendously powerful source of energy… he creates mountains and landscapes… he erupts a volcano which initially destroys but enriches the area for new growth… he is tectonic; he is just about the most powerful thing on this planet.

There are also some deeply unconscious metaphors that resonate with this character, such as the hook in the stomach–a fish that swallows a hook will get it lodged in his belly and will be trapped–the hook will always be there for others to yank on. The power, the movement, the solidity of this character also evokes images of deep sea, large creatures, ages old…

The reason it was chained and bound and gutted is because the power it can wield was very dangerous to parents such as mine. Imagine all of the power represented by the earth’s core, and what shallow, reactionary, anxiety-managing machines such as my parents would do in the face of the full brunt of it?

I do not yet believe that this creature is loosed, but I do believe it will be loosed soon… and when it is… watch the fuck out.