Dubuque, Iowa, Wednesday July 29, 1:24 pm

What was thought to be a standard case of food poisoning at a local McDonald’s has later turned out to be a new strain of influenza that researchers are calling the “Potato Flu.”

Jeremiah Smithson of Dubuque, Iowa fell ill after eating a large french fry one hot and humid afternoon.

“I was just hungry,” comments Jeremiah. “Now I can’t go out with my friends to play.”

The strain is transmitted through potatoes and potato products, including french fries, potato pancakes, and knishes.

CDC experts have traced the source of the potato flu to a small pig/chicken/potato farm in the Andes.

“Apparently the confluence of swine and avian flu somehow managed to cause a mutation that crossed the kingdom boundary and lodged itself in the potatoes at this farm,” Arlene Benefence of the CDC was quoted as saying early Wednesday morning as she sipped her morning coffee. “We’re not quite sure how this happened, but you can be certain we are doing our utmost to contain this threat.”

United States President Barack Obama had no comment.