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We celebrate a lot of holidays that aren’t really holidays. In truth, there is no such thing as a genuine “holy day,” but some holidays have some sort of objective roots, even if it is just a seasonal celebration.

The most artificial of holidays are the ones where military personnel are “honored” for their “sacrifices.” Veteran’s Day, Memorial Day, Labor Day… these holidays are all about “paying your respects” for the people that murdered and were murdered in various wars throughout the last 100 years.

There is another war holiday, however, that is observed in most countries the world over.

This holiday is Mother’s Day.

Now, I totally grant you that this is a pretty radical thing to say. We’re told that Mother’s Day is “mom’s day”–a day for mom to get whatever she wants because she did so much for us, etc., etc. I will throw out a few ideas and you can tell me if it makes any sense.

First, the origins of Mother’s Day are war-based. The first petitioners for such a day date back to the Civil War era, where the purpose was to honor the mothers who had “lost”–as if they were misplaced somehow–husbands and sons in war. This went on for several decades until it was finally codified as just that–a day to honor the mothers whose sons were off to war, or were killed while at war.

In a time when the vast majority of young men were shipped off to slaughter and be slaughtered, this would encompass the vast majority of mothers out there.

Nowadays, that is not the case as much, and hence Mother’s Day became a day to observe all mothers, not just the ones embedded in the war machine.

This holiday isn’t really about respect, however. It’s about ameliorating the guilt a mother feels when she’s sent off the fruit of her loins to become minced in the great war machine. It’s about helping the mother continue to pretend that sending her children off to war is an honorable thing.

The state of the world is such that the virtues that are proclaimed the loudest are often covering the exact opposite behavior. A man who puffs himself up about his honesty is generally dishonest. However, a man that is genuinely honest does not need to proclaim his honesty–it is evident in his deeds.

Since Mother’s Day is sold to us as a way of “honoring” our mothers, we should be skeptical. It is much more likely the case that this holiday is about covering up the most dishonorable acts that can be imagined.

When dishonorable people do not get their counterfeit goodies, they become enraged. It’s a common experience for adult children to forget Mother’s Day, and for the mother to become aggressive, using guilt, manipulation, or even outright bullying to humiliate their adult children. (From mom, for example: “Why didn’t you call? Were your fingers broken?”; alternatively, the incredulous looks from peers when they discover you’ve not “honored” your mother.)

I’m not saying that the category of “mother” is a bad thing, not at all. It can be a powerfully good thing, like most any other station in life. However, the degree to which it can be good is the degree to which it can go horribly wrong.

I leave you with this pragmatic thought: if you truly do love your mother and wish to honor her, do not wait for the day when you are “supposed” to do it. If you do not feel the desire to honor her but do not know why, then talk to her about it. Do that, and see how you feel.

This is explosive, no doubt! However, it is far better for you–and especially for your children–that you strive to put honesty into practice rather than continuing to pretend that your mother is somebody she is not.

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1 Comment »

Comment by Rich

2009-05-10 11:49:35

Thanks for sharing this James. I had no idea that this holiday was rooted in violence. Think about the obligation that must have been felt back then. If you had have spoken out against Mother's day then, people would have written you off as cruel for not honoring someone who had lost a loved one. What an evil guilt trip that must have been. I certainly felt guilted into buying gifts for my mother and spending my Sunday with her. When I would bring up to her that there was no children's day, she would sarcsastically reply that "every day is children's day".

This year I'm doing what I want to, getting out of the house and spending the day with someone I really love.

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